Grown Kids Today
By Carol Stanley
What is the best way to deal with our grown kids? How much help should we offer? Grown Kids Today Well the time has come and the kids have left or are leaving the nest. Lots of mixed feelings here - However, sometimes grown kids return to the scene of the crime. Sometimes they come home as they have no where to live. Sometimes they come home with little off-springs. Perhaps it is time to change the locks. There are mixed feelings when grown kids return. You are happy to see them at first. Remember when they do return (even for a projected short period of time) they often revert to their teenage patterns. They raid the fridge, don't make their beds, take very long showers and never a finger lifted to help or donate any dollars for their expenses. And one other thing, the so called short period of time often has many extensions. A good friend of mine had a child returning home for three weeks, and finally left after two years. We have mixed feelings about our kids in general; Sometimes they have turned out better than we ever dreamed, and sometimes they are continually in the state of finding themselves. I love this "finding yourself" phrase. I am not quite sure what it means. Maybe it is about being lost and looking to everywhere like hide and seek. I do know for sure that when kids have a set time to leave, set financial responsibilities and a paying job, things go a lot smoother. Enabling is another popular verb of today. I think it has a lot of merit in the sense that our giving kids too much does not make independent and loving kids. It creates a kind of expectation attitude that lingers on in their minds. Kids can go through bad times, and we can be there to help them. I have the one time theory. If the child needs some money to bail out of a problem help him out ONCE and stick with it. If they know there is family to fall back on and a good and constant money source they will more than likely mess up again. Why not? Mom and Dad will bail them out. When there are no more resources for dollars they will stick with jobs, drive carefully, work hard at school and take responsibility for themselves. It does make sense. There are no strict rules for dealing with our kids. Sometimes we have to bend the rules a little bit. However we have a right to rule setting and time curfews and whatever else. They are guests in our homes and should act accordingly.
About the Author
Homepage http://www.carolstanley1.com
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